When I'm meloncholy, I'm actually pretty good at hiding it. Or at least I'm good at hiding how deep my meloncholy goes. The past mont has been a blast and every weekend has been jammed packed with awesome things. I've really enjoyed myself and I've hung out with some amazing people. I'm also making some new friends and I couldn't be more jazzed about it. But with any amount of frivolity comes the after-taste of slight emptiness. At least it did this past week. It's that old friend of mine: Mr. YouWantToBeInLoveDon'tYou.
Mr. YWTBILDY come from my childhood and my childhood expectations about my life. It's the white-bred suburban staple of wanting to get married and have kids and settle down when you're older. Though my brand comes with the "kids? geesh, that's a lot of responsibility, don't you think?" preinstalled. (Sidebar: I actually haven't named this "friend" of mine, I just came up with the name.) As I've gotten older the dream has been whittled down to its core; find someone to love for my whole life and grow old together. Awwwwwwwwww, it's that sweet?
Barf.
Well, this past week that's what I've been dwelling on. But the thing about it is that I only feel that way when I'm home alone and I've got nothing to do. If I think about dating some new lady, I immediately switch over to "I like my free time. Dating someone takes too much energy and time away from me having fun with my friends." So we're talking about wanting things selfishly. So unless I can find a woman that will do whatever activity I want to all the time and hug, kiss, and cuddle with me when I'm home doing nothing, then I've got to get over this meloncholy mood.
Also, a few weeks ago I was watching Iconoclasts on Sundance with Isabella Rossellini and Dean Kamen. Kamen is an inventor who is most known for the Segway. Rossellini is known as one of the most beautiful actresses of our time. Anyway, I needed to know more about this Kamen guy and I went to my trusted friend Wikipedia. My trusted friend also told me that Ms. Rossellini has one child and it's a daughter. I checked it out and found pictures of her daughter, Elettra Wiedemann. An example:
I became instantly smitten and during my high emotions state this week have deluded myself that I might actually have a shot at wooing her should I ever get successful at acting or film direction. It could happen, right? Le sigh.
Oh, the crest of my emotional week was Tuesday night when I stayed inside and watched the series finale of Gilmore Girls. These past two seasons I haven't caught much of the show and I've only been caught up on the show via televisionwithoutpity.com recaps. But I did catch the last two episodes of this last season. I was an super deluxe crybaby during the show. For a good 40 minues of the hour-long show, I was in tears over this silly show being over. Could somebody give me back my dick? I mean, c'mon.
Tonight I think was my last wave of this meloncholy. I spent intermission of Armando on the back stairs looking out into the alley behind iO and trying to feel at peace. I've felt stagnant again lately and I need to change something to shake things loose I feel. I have to jobs that I get paid for and that I had to report my earnings to the goverment about. I'm thinking of quitting both of them.
No comments:
Post a Comment